When plans change
Then, in 2008, a simple ankle sprain in the parking lot at work. I thought it was nothing. As the pain escalated, I began icing it, elevating it, doing all the things I knew to do. Nothing could have prepared me for the mind-blowing pain that ensued the first time a doctor examined it. I became terrified of the pain. Two years of that pain and fear turned into severe depression. Then, my system collapsed.
I was hit with such profound fatigue that I was stopped dead in my tracks. For over two years I pushed and pushed to heal my ankle and overcome my pain. Then my body simply didn't have anything left to fight with. My husband watched helplessly as my body gave out one piece at a time. I even remember thinking -
I wish I only had pain
Solitary confinementMy fatigue and pain have continued to escalate. I am now mostly housebound and in severe pain most of the time. This doesn't just affect me. My husband is strong and healthy. Not only do we not get to do things together, most days I am too exhausted to even engage in conversations. He asked me once if I ever got lonely. I told him I didn't have the energy to. It takes every ounce of strength I have just to function in some capacity. While he can do things for me, he can't help me get well. I can't even imagine how lonely he must feel; how hard it is to live with me and see me like this day after day, year after year.
Looking for blessingsI share this nightmare with you for two reasons:
- If anyone is out there and feeling abandoned and alone, I want you to know that you are NOT alone!
- There has been so much good that has come out of all this!!
- I found a doctor who became my champion. He helped me get in to see a fantastic pain specialist who wasn't afraid to deal with my pain. Not only do I give thanks for them all the time, but I pray before each appointment. The changes have been amazing.
- We are now living in a region that has captivated my heart and soul. We are living here by faith because we went from a city centre to a tiny community. Even though I am mostly housebound now, I can look out our window and marvel at the beauty that surrounds us.
- Our marriage has been strengthened. Have you heard the expression "trial by fire"? That is what we have been through. Between health and financial issues, we have lived out the wedding vows we took before God. I remember one day saying to my husband "I would understand if you chose to be with someone else". I was consumed with guilt and felt I had ruined his life. I am so thankful that I am married to a man who has chosen to stand by me. God pulled us back from the ledge and we are stronger for it.
- I have met the most amazing people in the pain/fatigue community. I have formed new friendships, many with people I have never met - friendships I know will last a lifetime.
Carry each others burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2